Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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