ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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