Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
