Non-Jews are for practice
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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