Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize