Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
