Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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