I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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