you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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