She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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