I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
