I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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