Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
