I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
