why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
