o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
