Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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