I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
