I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
