If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
