omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
