OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
