My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
