i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
