Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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