Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
