There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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