You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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