so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
