Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
