...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
