Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
