i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
