My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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