how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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