You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
