even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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