We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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