Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
