We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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