Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
