its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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