Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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