The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
