there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
