Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
