I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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