I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
