If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
