Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
