I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
