he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He passed out mid-signature
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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