I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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