She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just googled if crying burns calories
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
