Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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