Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
