i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
