put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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