My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
