Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
