If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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