I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
