I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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