question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
