yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
