I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
