you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
