My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
