sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
