no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
