How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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