ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
