We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
