remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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