i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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