If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
