You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no you cant smoke seaweed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
