he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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