I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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